I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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