I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
