Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
