Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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