you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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