I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love having hate sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
