Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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