Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize