i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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