I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
