Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
