I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
