you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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