So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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