apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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