a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
