I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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