you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
