I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
