I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
