we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
