He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I love you. Go after that dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
