I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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