Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
