Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
