I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I did not marry a roomba.
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