one two three fourrrrnication!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
