i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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