it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
