I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Houston, we have a blender
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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