sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
