I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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