don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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