hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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