I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
