$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
