anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
