I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
