Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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