I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
