Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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