don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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