No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A bitchslap is in order.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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