I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
