Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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