Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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