Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we're so committed to being not committed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
