Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
