so explain again why im purple
no
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
