You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
