what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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