oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
