You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
