If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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