i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
