I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
