in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You smell like stripper and shame
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
