He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A bitchslap is in order.
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