I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize