Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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