my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
