Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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