The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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