I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
