Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
