I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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