Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
